


Vibing Reality

by FayeWildwood



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Five Years Later, M/M, Memory Loss, Post-Season/Series 03, So yeah, after savitaar, cisco/harry, i have no idea how to tag this, some sex later on probably, some violence, super hero stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-12-25 23:26:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12046494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayeWildwood/pseuds/FayeWildwood
Summary: While the scooby gang is battling a new meta, Cisco throws himself in front of Barry and Caitlyn to take the blast but gets hurt instead. He wakes up a few days later with 5 years of his memory missing- much to the dismay of his husband and daughter. The team has to struggle with getting Cisco's memories back while our lovable dork of an engineer struggles with living a life he never imagined for himself.I suck at summaries. It's good, I promise.





	1. Waking up Missing

Cisco didn't so much wake up as he did slam back into reality, or rather, reality slammed into him like a freight train running him over completely. His head was pounding and he could feel a million little vibrations pulsing against his skin like they did when he was in a vibe. His throat was dry and there was a heavy weight on his chest, in fact, his entire body was sore from toes to the tips of his hair.

After a good five minutes of laying there in pain, he managed to pry is eyes open, blinking up at the bright white ceiling of the med room. The lights were thankfully dimmed, but it didn't stop a pang of pain to shoot through his head when he blinked.

"You're awake!" a soft voice said in relief from his side, and Cisco turned his head with a groan, meeting a pair of bright blue eyes and a head of ratty brown curls. She was maybe five, with a missing front tooth and her tiny hands holding tight to Cisco's. He could see tear tracks on her cheeks that were long ago dried and a worried frown on her face. "Papa was wor-worried," she mumbled.

Cisco didn't recognize the child, but there was something about her eyes and those curls that looked frighteningly familiar.

"Well he shouldn't be," Cisco managed to get out, his words sounding like gravel and he tried to swallow what little spit he had in his throat. He tried to pry his hand away from the mystery child to rub at his face considering his other hand was hooked up to god knows how many wires. When she wouldn't let go, Cisco glared at her. "Let go, child," he threatened, trying to shake her off. It only made her giggle but after a few moments, she let go, hopping off her chair, making her barely taller than the bed. 

"I'll go get papa!"

Cisco rubbed at his eyes and let them close for a few moments, breathing deep. "You do that..."

"Do what?"

Blinking his eyes open again, Cisco watched Harry step into the doorway. "Get her dad," Cisco elaborated. Harry looked just as confused and he rolled his eyes. "The kid said she was going to go get her dad," he said, waving a hand at where the little girl had ran off to. "I told her to go do that."

"Cisco, she left five minutes ago," he said, a worried frown covering his face. It wasn't a look he was used to seeing on the other man's face and Cisco shook his head. Harry took a few steps forward to look at the screens that showed his vitals, sending a few looks over to the engineer in the bed. "Are you losing time?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, I only woke up five minutes ago apparently," he said. "I closed my eyes for a second and then you were here. What are you doing here anyway?" he asked, trying to remember when he'd last seen Harry. It was probably the whole Savitaar ordeal, after they'd lost HR. That was maybe six months ago, after that, Harry had gone back to Earth-2 with Jesse again. "I thought you went back to E-2?"

Harry scrutinized him, and Cisco knew he was trying to decipher whether he was joking or not. "Cisco, we just discussed why I'm here. You sent Victoria to come get me. You must have gotten hit harder than we thought."

"Victoria? The kid?" Cisco frowned, running his hand over his face again as he forced himself into a sitting position. "Okay, I'm major confused... What happened?"

"We were trying to track down a meta who seems to have the ability to send ultrasonic blasts through his hands, very similar to the way you use your vibes," Harry explained, taking a seat at the foot of the bed, hands in his lap but still much closer than he normally was. If Cisco didn't know better, he'd think the man was worried for him. "You got knocked down in the crossfire when you were trying to get to Caitlyn and Barry-"

"Barry?" Cisco gasped, sitting up even straighter despite the ripple of pain that the movement caused. He shoved the blankets off his legs and struggled to his feet, pulling wires and suckers off his skin. "He's back?"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Harry demanded, grabbing at Cisco's arms as he stumbled, his legs weak under him. "Of course he's back, he brought you here, you idiot. Now lay back down before Caitlyn comes storming in here yelling at me for letting you move before she even had a chance to check on you," the scientist growled, trying to shove Cisco back into the bed but he refused. "Ramon-"

He batted away Harry's hands and shuffled past him, using the wall to hold himself up as he walked into the main cortex. The whole crew was there, Joe and Iris sitting on one of the many couches that filled the room, Wally and Jesse huddled around one of the computers and Barry jogging around the room with the child- Victoria- on his back giggling. They all looked up the second he came in, questions falling from their tongues faster than he could answer them, but he ignored all of them, eyes never leaving his best friend's. He hadn't seen Barry since he disappeared into the speed force, had stayed up countless nights trying to get him back and after a few months he had nearly given up. "Barry," he breathed, stumbling towards the man, barely giving him enough time to set the child down before gathering him into a big hug.

He was met with shocked silence and a hesitant hug back that quickly turned into a heartfelt one.

"Would someone kindly explain to me what's going on?" 

When Cisco pulled away, turning to see Caitlyn standing in the door with a glare on her face. "You should be in bed, mister."

"I tried to tell him," Harry said, throwing his arms up when Caitlyn shot him a glare as well. "But apparently, he decided to get all friendly with Allen instead of me. You should check his head, there's obviously something wrong," he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest with what could only be described as a Harrison Wells pout.

Cisco was a bit confused at how calm everyone was with Barry back. He would have thought Iris would be ecstatic, hanging off him like Cisco was right now. "Uh, how long have I been out exactly?" He turned to Barry as he took a shaky step back. "How long have you been back? How did we get you back?" Barry's amused expression fell into a confused one, his eyebrows crinkling and hands reaching out to hold Cisco steady as Caitlyn joined them. Speaking of Caitlyn, "and when did you get back? I thought you left to... find yourself or something," he questioned, trying not to sound angered by her decision. He told himself he'd be okay with it, he'd give her her space, but that was months ago and he'd barely heard from her other than a few 'I'm fine' texts.

"Cisco, what's the last thing you remember?" Caitlyn asked, leading him back into the med room as the others followed. He let her, only because her expression was covered in that doctorly worry that made him nauseous. He sat back on the bed and let her flutter about him, attaching the wires and suckers back onto his skin.

"Umm... Honestly I'm not sure," he said, thinking back to what he remembered doing before he woke up here. "I was vibing I think, testing out a new system in the glasses and then, then I woke up here."

He was answered with tilted heads and strange expressions that he couldn't quite place. "Why were you messing with your goggles?" Barry asked, helping the little girl as she tried to get on the bed next to him. He lifted her up and plopped her down with Cisco and she immediately latched onto his hand. 

Cisco wanted to ask why the girl was so attached to him and why no one at all seemed bothered with how she was here with a parent no where to be found. Seriously, he told her to go get her dad, and yet he didn't see anyone around now. He blinked, looking away from the girl to see everyone staring at him. "Sorry, uh... lost in thought. I was trying to get the new system to work, the one I've been emailing you about," he told Harry. "I was trying to make it so I could use them without touching someone. I was..." He swallowed, looking at Barry for a long moment before shrugging. "I was trying to find Barry."

"Find me? Why didn't you just call me?" Barry asked, tilting his head a bit.

Cisco laughed, but it became strained as he realized they were staring at him with honest and confused frowns. "Are you serious?" he questioned, waving his free hand around the room. "You've been missing for six months, Barry! How am I supposed to just _call you_  when I don't know where the hell you are?" He wanted to scream at how normal they were acting when everything seemed... so different. He wanted to run his hands through his hair and _pull_ , but the damn kid was holding his hand too tight. He wiggled it, trying to get her to let go and he growled. "And can you please let go? What are you even doing here? Don't you have parents to look after you?"

Someone behind him made a choked sound and he looked to see wide and scared eyes coming from everyone. "What?!"

Harry was the first one to speak, his face terrifyingly blank as he held out a hand. "Victoria, come here darling." The girl looked at him for a long moment, her lips quivering and the threat of tears in her eyes but she nodded and slid off the bed. Harry knelt down until he was eye to eye with the girl and plastered a small smile on his face. "Why don't you go with your Aunt Iris and let the grown ups have a talk okay?"

"But papa-"

"No buts now," He interrupted, turning her towards Iris who picked the girl up easily and sent Cisco a sad smile that he couldn't understand. "Don't worry, daddy will be just fine," he promised, pressing a soft kiss to the girl's forehead before Iris took her away.

Cisco was sure his mouth was hanging open in shock and the others frowned. "Twilight zone," he mumbled.

"What are you talking about, Ramon?" Harry sighed, running a hand over his tired face.

"I'm in the twilight zone, it's the only explanation," he said as if it were completely obvious. "Iris has a niece, Barry and Caitlyn are back, and I've never seen you so nice, especially to a kid."

Harry rolled his eyes and pointed at Jesse, "You do know I have a daughter who's already grown right?"

Caitlyn seemed to think it was the perfect time to interrupt however so she stepped forward and started shining a light in each of his eyes. "Cisco, I'm going to ask you some questions, okay? I think you might have been hit a bit harder than we realized." The engineer nodded, hoping she of all people could figure out what the hell was happening. "What's your name?"

"Francisco Valdes Ramon," he answered with a roll of the eyes.

"Your brother's name?"

A pang of hurt went through his heart but he shook it off and answered. "Dante..."

Caitlyn nodded and hummed as she took his pulse. "And your birthday?"

"August 16th, 1988."

"Your husband's name and birthday?"

Cisco choked on that question, coughing a bit as some spit went down his throat wrong. Caitlyn frowned at him and patted his back gently as he tried to control the coughs wracking through him. "M-my what?" he asked his face hot and he knew he was blushing. He hadn't told anyone he was bi yet, what made her think- "I'm not... I'm not married!"

The doctor blinked at him, shocked by his outburst and the silence was almost deafening in the room. "What? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Snow, explain," Harry demanded, and Cisco swore his voice cracked a bit when Jesse reached out for him and put a comforting hand on his arm. Why would Harry need comforting?

"I-I... he must have hit his head when he hit the wall," she said in that worried tone of hers. "If he hit it hard enough, he could have amnesia."

"And he could be sitting right here," Cisco grumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest. There was an anger bubbling up in his chest as they talked over him, about him, and he just couldn't understand what was going on. "I can't have amnesia! I remember all of you."

But Caitlyn shook her head and tears were shimmering in her eyes. "Cisco, do you know what year it is? How old you are?"

"Yeah, it's 2017 and I'm 28, what kind of stupid ass question is that?" It must have been a stupid question because Caitlyn's eyes widened almost comically and even Harry stumbled back a few feet, his fists clenching at his sides, just like the feeling in Cisco's gut when his mind finally put together what was going on. "It is... 2017 right? Please don't tell me I've been in a coma for a year and I've woken up to find out aliens have taken over the planet?"

It was meant as a joke, but the unamused expressions staring back at him had him worried. "Cisco," Barry said quietly, that dumb look onhis face as he stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. "You haven't been in a coma, but... it's not 2017, it's 2022."

 


	2. Putting Together the Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cisco learns some key information about his future that doesn't quite make sense.

"I... what?"

"It's 2022, Cisco, you're 33, not 28," Caitlyn said as she tapped notes into her tablet. "I want to get you into a ct scan and mri, see if we can pinpoint what went wrong."

Cisco's head was swimming and he felt dizzy all of a sudden, the vibes pressing hard against his skin again as if they were threatening to swallow him up. His fingers were tingling and his eyes prickled as he pressed the heel of his hands against them. "But that's... not possible."

"Savitaar," Barry whispered, a look of realization on his face when Cisco's eyes flew to him. "That's what you meant when you said I've been missing for six months. 2017 was when I fought Savitaar, when I went into the speed force." He frowned at Cisco's nod, "and Caitlyn left to figure out her whole killer frost thing. You've lost almost 5 years of memory." There was an almost frightened expression on his friend's face that flickered over to Harry for a split second before settling on the doctor who was still tapping away on her tablet. "Caitlyn, he won't remember any of it."

She shook her head. "I know, I know... I just need to figure out how bad it is."

"Okay, okay, so I've missed five years of memory," Cisco choked out, running a hand through his hair. It didn't seem much longer than he remembered, and from what he could tell, his body was the same. He looked down at himself, noticing a small glittering ring on his ring finger and he swallowed. "Well I was going to say not much would have changed, but-" he held up a hand and wiggled his fingers, "apparently I'm married. I'm going to assume it's not to a certain golden themed criminal judging by your 'husband' comment," he deduced with a frown, noticing the angry look that flashed over Harry and Jesse's otherwise blank faces. "So I've got a husband somewhere."

There was an awkward silence and Cisco found himself growing more and more frustrated with the situation. "Will someone just tell me? I'm going to find out anyway. Aren't you supposed to like, help the person with amnesia get their memories back? Isn't that like, memory loss 101?"

Caitlyn cleared her throat and frowned. "We just don't want to overwhelm you. That's all. A lot has changed since you remember and I don't want it to be too much."

"It's already too much," he argued, glaring at his friend. "I feel like everyone is walking on eggshells around me. Barry is back, you're back and not... platinum," he said, waving to her brown hair. "Iris has a mystery niece which I can only assume is either Barry or Wally's kid." Barry choked and his eyes widened as he held up his hand and backed away slowly with a shake of the head. "Okay, or not..."

"Not mine," Wally quickly put in, raising his hands.

Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. "Victoria isn't actually her niece, it's just what she calls her," Harry said. "She's my daughter."

A laugh burst out of Cisco's chest, but quickly died off at the raised eyebrow the scientist sent him. "Oh you're serious? I mean... yeah totally, sorry I just... Jesse is-"

"If you call me old, Cisco, I will beat you," she warned, but a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"No offense," Cisco said, holding up his hands but they were quickly snatched so Caitlyn could start drawing his blood. "I just find it hard to imagine someone wanting to have a kid with Harry, he's so..." another glare and raised eyebrow had Cisco shrinking back with an apologetic smile, "Wonderful. He's so wonderful and loving and handsome and everyone should love him," he lied.

There was a long silence before the entire room- except for Harry- burst into laughs, Caitlyn most of all. Her giggles settled something in his stomach and he felt himself relaxing a bit, despite the confusion he could still feel in him.

"Sorry," the doc replied, shooting Harry an amused look. "It's just... sorry. Um... Victoria is actually mine," she said, her face turning a bright red as she stuttered, "I-I mean I had her, but she's not.. we didn't-"

"Caitlyn was a surrogate," Harry informed him, saving her from the stuttering explanation.

Cisco nodded as if it made perfect sense, even though it didn't. He could see it now, the familiarity he felt when he'd seen the child. She had Harry's bright eyes, but Caitlyn's brown curls. It should have been blatantly obvious. "You just what? Decided to have another kid out of the blue? Got tired of Jesse not needing you anymore?" He joked.

The speedster giggled and Harry shook his head. "No, Ramon, I did not have a child just because Jesse is grown up, that would be ridiculous. My husband and I decided we wanted one," he said slowly, eyes never leaving Cisco's. "Caitlyn politely volunteered as a surrogate in lieu of adoption considering I'm not actually a legal human being on this earth."

"Ah, so you're married too? Didn't figure you as the kind to go for a guy, but hey, no judgement here obviously," Cisco laughed, holding up a hand to show off the ring again. There was a brief moment of blissful ignorance where he stared at the blank expression Harry gave him. He knew that look, had seen it so many times before. It was the look he got when Harry was trying to explain something to him and he just wasn't getting it. It was Harry's 'you're an idiot and I question your sanity' look. Honestly, he got it so much he could probably feel when Harry was giving it to him even if he wasn't looking. Then the gears slid into place and his blissful ignorance fluttered away like an innocent butterfly running from a storm. His hand suddenly felt like it weighed a ton and dropped into his lap as his mouth dropped open. "Oh..."

"Took you long enough," Harry snarked, but there was that unfamiliar worry in his eyes again, as if he were bracing himself for the rejection he suspected was coming.

"Oh..." was all Cisco could think to say. He was married, with a child... with Harrison Wells... with Harry. He must have gone into a sort of shock that Caitlyn decided to take advantage of because she ushered everyone out of the room and moved Cisco into the CT and MRI machines without argument. He couldn't even think about arguing right now. 

It wasn't so much the fact that future him liked Harry, that wasn't a surprise at all. Cisco had been harboring a crush on the scientist for a long time, he was actually the reason Cisco realized he was Bi in the first place. So that wasn't an issue. It was the fact that Harry liked him back that was shocking. Liked him enough to marry him and have a child with him. The Harry he knew could barely tolerate him and only interacted with him to question his intelligence and throw markers at him. 

"Are you okay, Cisco?" Caitlyn asked as she led him back into the med room an hour later. He thought about mentioning the fact that he didn't realize they were already done with the tests, but her worried look had him smiling.

"I'm okay, it's just... a bit of a shock I guess."

She hummed sympathetically and nodded, helping him lie down before hooking him back up to his wires. "I guess you guys aren't together yet where you're from. I can't remember if you liked him yet five years ago."

Cisco choked on a laugh and shook his head. "Oh trust me, I did- do I mean. I've liked him for a while now. It's just..."

"Why are you so surprised then," she questioned, her brows pulled down in confusion.

The engineer shrugged and looked toward the glass on the wall where he could see Harry crouching in front of Victoria, talking softly to her. It was strangely domestic and something in his heart ached at the sight. It was still weird, like watching his life on a television show from afar, but the pain came from the fact that he couldn't remember it. He couldn't remember that little girl's life anymore than he could remember her father and his relationship. "It's the fact that he likes me back," Cisco mumbled, turning back to his friend as she smiled sweetly at him. "He barely tolerates me, sometimes I think- thought- that he hated me. He..." Cisco swallowed as his head throbbed again and his fingers tingled with vibrations. "He left us, went back to Earth-2 without even saying anything. I guess maybe he didn't like me then. Did something happen? After that? Something had to have happened in the next year or so right? The girl, Victoria, she's not that old."

"She's four," Caitlyn supplied, sitting next to him on the bed and patting his hand. "And I'm not sure what happened really, I'm sorry. It happened before I came back I think and Harry doesn't like to talk about it much. You'd have to ask him."

"I don't remember her," Cisco said through a lump in his throat. "I feel... I feel sad but I can't tell if it's because I can't remember my own daughter, or if it's because she has a father that doesn't even recognize her face."

Tears prickled in his eyes and he could see them in Caitlyn's eyes as well as she squeezed his hands. "Don't worry, it'll come back to you. We'll figure out what happened. The scans we did will help and they'll tell me if it's temporary or not. Most amnesia isn't, but we'll figure it out, okay?"

Cisco nodded and swallowed again, frowning a bit as he looked back out the window. "Do you-" he cut himself off with a shake of the head and forced a smile to his lips, "nevermind, I just... can I talk to her?"

"Of course!" Caitlyn smiles, patting Cisco's hand gently before leaving to talk to Harry. He watched them through the glass, seeing Harry's expression go from sad, to hopeful, to careful, but he nodded once Caitlyn stopped talking. After a few minutes of talking to Victoria, Harry lead her in. Cisco sat up, pulling his legs under him so the child could climb up onto the bed and sit across from him. For some reason, nerves were fluttering about in his stomach and he couldn't help but smile at the girl. "Hi Victoria."

"Papa says your sick," she mumbled, twiddling her fingers a bit in her lap. "He says you-you hurted your head."

"I did," he answered with a gentle smile. Cisco wasn't used to kids much. He used to love them, back when he was on good terms with his family. He had slews of cousins that he would babysit. But ever since he had his falling out with them, he didn't take care of kids much. "But Cait is going to fix me up, and Ha- your papa is really smart so he'll figure it out in no time."

He could tell that she was trying to smile, but her big blue eyes were sad and familiar. "He says you don't remember us."

"He's right, but that doesn't mean I don't recognize you," he told her. He reached up to tug at her curls and grinned stupidly, "You've got my hair for sure."

She giggled, showing off the gap in her teeth and the two dimples in her cheeks. "Silly daddy, I have auntie Cait's hair!"

Cisco hummed and shrugged, "nope, those are definitely my curls. And your papa's eyes," he said, touching the tip of his finger on her nose. He could see Harry's lips twitch up and the way his shoulders relaxed a bit at their interactions and Cisco couldn't help but wonder if Harry was afraid they wouldn't get along. "And besides, since I don't remember anything, you'll just have to fill me in right? If you're really Harry's child, and mine, no doubt you love talking about yourself right?"

Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head, "I do not love talking about myself."

"Riiiight," Cisco snorted. "I'm positive that hasn't changed in five years."

Victoria grinned again though and nodded vigorously. "I can tells you!"

A soft chuckle came from Harry and he grabbed the small girl under her arms. "You can tell daddy as much as you want when Auntie Cait says you can. We need to let him rest right now though," he said, plopping her onto the floor and rubbing her curls. "Go find a speedster to entertain you until it's time to go home."

"Is daddy going home with us?" She asked, blinking big blue eyes up at Harry.

Cisco shared a look with the scientist and he was sure that his nerves were evident because Harry smiled down at Victoria. "We'll talk about it. We'll need to ask Auntie Caitlyn first to make sure he can leave, alright? Daddy's health comes first. Now shoo, be gone with you child," he joked, sighing after she rushed out of the room. There was a long silence as Harry stared after her and Cisco stared at him. "Thank you."

"For what?" he squawked, shocked at the statement.

"For talking to her," Harry said, standing again to look at his... husband apparently. "She was really worried. You're good with her."

Cisco snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well I would hope so, I'm her father," he said, pulling a smile from the man- or a Harry smile, which was more of a smirk than anything. "She's cute, and you are surprisingly good with her as well."

"Yes, well I would hope so, I am her father," Harry mocked. His smirk fell a bit though as he looked back at the door. "You don't have to come back home with us if you don't want to," he said quietly. Cisco recognized the tone he had, recognized that he was trying not to show the emotions he bottled up inside. "Caitlyn will probably want you to stay here until she figures out what's wrong, or at the very least Barry and Iris would let you stay with them."

He thought about it for a moment, really thought about it. He appreciated that Harry was giving him the choice, but he wasn't quite sure what he wanted at all. On one hand, living with Harry would be so weird, and with a child that he didn't know. But on the other hand... something inside him wanted to go home with Harry, to get into some semblance of normalcy. "If it's okay," he started, scratching at his head and blushing, "I'd like to go to your place... well, our place I guess. It might help me remember, but I mean- if it's weird for you- like you said- I-"

"Calm down, Cisco," Harry told him but his tone was warm. "It's your house too. And I'm sure Victoria would love to have you home. We- she's been very worried about you since you've been hurt."

"Oh yeah, no one ever told me how long I've been out," the engineer said, his stomach clenching and growling under his hands. "I'm starving."

"Of course you are, you've been out for a day and a half. I'll have one of the speedsters pick up something to eat," he said, nodding briefly at Cisco before leaving the room.

The straight expression on his face had Cisco wanting to apologize for some reason, and a sense of dread sat low in his stomach. Something in him felt like it was his fault, that he needed to say he was sorry for causing Harry and Victoria any pain. As strange as it was waking up five years in his future, he desperately wished he could remember it. If not for him, for them.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the air. "I'm sorry."

 


	3. Losing Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cisco has a bad vibe and Harry does something drastic to break him out of it. Jesse and Cisco have a heart to heart.

Cisco was dreaming.

Or at least he thought he was. The vibrations were pulsing around him, shoving against his skin like a million needles, but it wasn't like his normal Vibes. He couldn't see anything but blue, and all he could hear was... well it was like a crowd of people surrounding him, hundreds of voices muttering about like insects. There were too many, all speaking in the same hushed tone and he couldn't pick out what any of them were saying. Something in his chest was aching, pulling and screaming to get out to wake up.

But... could he wake up? Was he even dreaming at all? What if this was real? What if it was a vibe trying to tell him something.

" _Cisco_ ," one of the voices rose up above the others. He turned, finding himself in the middle of a dim lit street- was it dim lit? Or was it just blue from the vibe? Barry was staring back at him, decked out in full Flash gear and screaming for him to get out of the way but he couldn't move. He couldn't think over the roar of vibrating realities in his mind. A shadow appeared as the engineer turned, watching it head towards Barry and he knew he didn't have time to get there, to stop his friend from getting hit by-

" _Cisco stop, you'll hurt yourself!"_

It was a split second decision, the heat of battle and all that. He wasn't even sure it'd work but he had to try. The shadow released it's pulse, the waves rippling like blue petals across his vision towards Barry. He could follow the vibrations, see them moving and see where they were going to end up. It was now or never.

" _God damnit Cisco, wake up!"_

He opened a portal right in front of Barry, right where the waves were going to hit, and another in front of himself. He stepped forward as the vibrations welcomed him like a second home and-

 

...

 

Something soft was on his lips, his face caged between two hands, and the shock had him wanting to pull away instead of melt into the embrace like he found himself doing. The air around them thinned out, the blue hue disappearing all together to reveal bright white lights of the med room in the LABS. The constant hum of vibrations dulled down to a minute prickle and Cisco found himself sighing into the kiss- the _kiss._

"Shit-" he pulled away and stared at Harry with wide eyes, mouth hanging open and trying to find words that he only seemed to stutter over. "I-I... woah! I did not mean to do that!"

In true Wells manner, Harry rolled his eyes and stuck Cisco with a playful, but unamused look. "I kissed you, Ramon. You have no reason to worry. You were losing control, I figured it best to shock you out of it."

"Losing-" Cisco took a moment too look around the room with wide eyes. The bed and medical instruments had all been shoved against the walls, violently it looked like, and anything that might have been on a table had been knocked to the floor. He could see cracks in the windows and Caitlyn, Barry and Jesse were all just outside the room, ready to come barreling in. "You-" without even thinking about it, Cisco curled his fingers into a fist and punched Harry as hard as he could in the shoulder, causing the older man to flinch and reel back, his own shock evident in his eyes. "You asshole!"

"Cisco!" Barry yelled, rushing in now that it seemed safe. "I know you don't remember anything but he was just trying to help! He probably shouldn't have kissed-"

"Kissed me? No," Cisco interrupted, fury building up in him from seemingly out of nowhere as he glared at the scientist. He pointed an angry face at the man who claimed to be his husband. "You don't get to do that, you fucking moron! You have Victoria, you have Jesse! You have people who rely on you okay?" The pain that had settled on Harry's face morphed into confusion, but Cisco didn't have time to slow down because the anger was boiling out of him like a kettle. "You're _human_ , Harry! You can't barge into the room while I'm sending out vibrations like that! One misplaced vibe and I can break your bones! I could _shatter_  them! Do you understand how dangerous I am when I'm out of control?" Something had lodged its way into Cisco's throat, choking up his words, and the faces around him were just as shocked at his outburst as he was, but there was a pain in his chest at the thought of anything happening to the scientist because of him. He could see the moment Harry seemed to understand what he was talking about because those beautiful eyes seemed to soften a bit. "You have to leave metas to Barry, you idiot. If I killed you-"

Barry put a hand on his friend's shoulder, his eyes soft and a sad smile on his face. "But you didn't Cisco. I was there, ready to speed him out of there if anything went wrong."

"And it's not like they could have stopped me," Harry insisted, crossing his arms over his chest as he finally schooled his features. It almost made Cisco even more angry, the fact that Harry could so easily control his expressions and his emotions while Cisco couldn't make heads or tails of what he was feeling. He stayed silent, which made Harry sigh and put his hands in his pockets instead. "Cisco, I'm fine. You didn't hurt me."

The engineer ignored him, turning towards Caitlin instead with a stern look. "You're going to do a full check up on him right now. And for the record, I hope I did _some_  damage at least with that punch because you're an idiot." He spat, glaring at the scientist as he shoved his way past him and out the door.

He needed to get a hold of himself. He needed to think, he needed to remember, he needed to...

Breathe.

He found himself outside within a few minutes, drawing air into his lungs like he was a dying fish. He hadn't had a panic attack in years, not since right after the particle accelerator, and he didn't plan on having one now. There had been some close calls after Dante, but now... Now his whole life was falling apart and the worst part of it was that he couldn't remember what was falling apart.

"Dad's going to be fine," a quite voice said as Jesse stepped out of the building and took a seat next to Cisco on the steps. She didn't look at him, only stared out into the parking lot at the city that sprawled out before them like mountains. "Caitlin his checking him over, but she doesn't think there's any actual damage. He did say though that we need to work on your combat skills because that punch was weak."

It was a half-assed joke, but Cisco appreciated it all the same, releasing a small chuckle as he dropped his head on his knees and wrapped his arms around himself.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Jesse didn't need to ask what for, she could see the tension in his shoulders, recognize the anguish in his face. It was the same expression that Barry had when he was reminded of Baby Sarah. "It's not your fault, Cisco. There are hazards to our job, they come with the territory. I don't think you know this, you probably don't remember, but Wally and I tried to have kids about a year ago." Cisco's head shot up and he frowned at the young girl. She smiled sweetly, but there was a far away look in her eyes. "We got married a year and a half after you and dad. We wanted kids so bad and we tried for a long time. Finally, we had Caitlin look into why I couldn't seem to get pregnant."

She was silent for a while, and Cisco didn't want to rush her, but she had him curious. "And?"

"And," she said with a shrug, "because of my enhanced healing, my metabolism, all this weird fucked up stuff that the speed causes... my body can't seem to sustain having a kid. Caitlin isn't completely sure why yet, and we haven't really given up hope. She's looking into trying to help us... but right now, because of who I am, it's just not an option."

"I'm sorry," Cisco breathed, his gut clenching tight as he fought back his tears.

Jesse smiled like a champ and shook her head. "That's alright. We've got all kinds of options if it turns out we can't. We've looked at fostering kids, adopting them. There are a lot of kids on both earth's that need parents, and we're thinking of looking into adopting kids with abilities like ours, so we can help them out. But that's not the point I'm making, Cisco. My point is, it's no one's fault. It's not my fault I can't have kids, and it's not your fault that you can't remember the last five years."

"But it is," Cisco argued, shaking his head. "I stepped in front of that blast, I stopped it from getting to Barry."

"And you could have saved his life," she argued back. "Look, you made that decision, and you have to live with it. But it's not your fault that it caused the amnesia. Blame the son of a bitch who attacked us in the first place."

He didn't argue that, he was too tired. The vibe had been an intense one and he knew the second he went back inside, Caitlin was going to badger him with questions. He'd been hoping to go home- or to Harry's home- tonight, to sleep in a real bed, to maybe hang out with Victoria again... she was cute and even if he didn't remember her, there was a familiarity of being with her that Cisco craved. "I could have really hurt him, all of you."

"You care about him."

It wasn't a question, but Cisco scoffed at it anyway and rolled his eyes. "Of course I do. I've had a crush on him since he pretty much stepped onto our Earth-step." Jesse laughed at that, but Cisco just shrugged. "I never thought he liked me back. So waking up learning that... that we're married? That we have a kid and we're happy? It's... weird. It's unreal. It's like when I was vibing the future for Barry back when Savitaar was attacking us. When we watched Iris die, over and over again... It was so real and now- I don't know. I just feel like this is all too good to be true and I don't want to ruin it, you know?"

"I don't think you could ruin it," she answered, leaning over to bump her shoulder into Cisco's. "I haven't seen my dad this happy since my mom was still alive. Cisco, he loves you. You might not see it right now, but he does."

Cisco hummed, resting his chin on his knee as he stared out at the huge parking lot. "Does he thought? I can't help but feel that he loves _him..._  I mean, I'm not his Cisco. I don't remember us dating. I don't remember any dinners or our first kiss or how he proposed or... I don't remember anything. I'm not the guy he fell in love with, Jesse. And I don't know how to get that guy back for him."

Jesse was quite for a long time after that, and Cisco was grateful for it. He needed to mull around in his own thoughts for a while, but he was thankful for not being alone while doing it. After what seemed like an hour, Jesse slowly stood, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing just enough to be comforting. "Everything is going to be fine, Cisco. Don't worry. And he didn't propose." The engineer frowned, looking up at her with a confused expression which she returned with a playful smirk. "You did."


	4. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Victoria take Cisco home and try to jog his memory with some photo albums.

Cisco had been cleared to be taken home after Caitlyn made sure to give him and Harry both a very long lecture on what he should and shouldn't be allowed to do and after making sure they both knew to contact her if _anything_ happened. She was only letting him go home in the first place because Harry was a genius and she trusted him more than Cisco. Victoria had been so happy that she hugged Cisco's arm and wouldn't let go until he had to pee an hour later.

Harry had helped him gather a few things before taking him to the parking lot where his jeep sat.

"My _jeep!"_  he gasped, practically throwing himself at it and hugging the front end. "My _baby,_ oh I've missed you-"

Victoria giggled and Harry rolled his eyes, opening the back door to plop the girl in her car seat. "I tried to get you to sell it, but you threatened to leave me. I didn't think it was worth the risk," he said, completely serious.

"How dare you even suggest it!" Cisco gasped, dramatically placing a hand on the jeep's hood. "Don't listen to him, baby. You're perfect."

The drive 'home' wasn't very long, but Cisco twitched and fidgeted in his seat the entire time. Honestly, Cisco had expected to be pulling up to Harrison Well's old place- or Eobards at least. Instead, they pulled into the driveway of a rather large two story home just outside of the city. There were no neighbors within at least a mile and Cisco knew that was probably Harry's doing. It was a cute house, and much bigger than he'd been expecting, but then again, Harry had quite a bit of money to throw around so it shouldn't have been that surprising. Victoria had snatched the keys from Harry's hands the second he got her out of the car, having the door open and ready for when he helped Cisco through into the main foyer. 

He let out a low whistle at the house and couldn't help but smile at the random geeky things scattered around the main living room. The house itself was rather plain, all white walls and black furniture, but it was tastefully decorated with various framed movie posters and props on bookshelves.

"You refused to get rid of any of your so called collectables," Harry supplied, helping their daughter- _their_  daughter, man it still shocked him- out of her coat and shoes while Cisco wandered around, fingers brushing over his signed Firefly poster and his collectors Star Wars pop figures. "I agreed to let you put up your ridiculous trinkets as long as I chose where they went so at least it was tasteful."

"Well colour me impressed," Cisco smirked at him before walking over to the massive fireplace on the far wall. It was the only part of the room that looked at least a bit messy as it was covered with picture frames and little homemade crafts that he suspected Victoria made. Most of the pictures were of their friends or daughter, some candids and groups shots, but there were a few of him and Harry. 

"That's one's my fav- my favorite!"

Cisco looked down to see Victoria jumping up and down, trying to point as something on the shelf, but he couldn't really tell what she was pointing at because she was much too short. On a whim, and ignoring the shocked look that Harry gave him, Cisco bent down to pick the girl up. She was a lot lighter than he expected, but a shot of pain still spasmed through him. He bit past it though, leaning himself against the fireplace to hold himself up.

"This one," she said again, holding onto him with one hand and using the other to grab one of the frames towards the back of the mantle. It was of him and Harry, with a smaller Victoria on Cisco's shoulders. Both men were wearing suit jackets, though Cisco could tell he had a graphic t under his and he could see Harry's usual hoodie under his. What shocked him most was the bright smile that covered Harry's face. It wasn't his classic 'Harry' smirk, or an exasperated sort of grin... no it was a full blown smile, reaching all the way to his eyes, eyes that weren't looking at the camera like Cisco and Victoria were, no those blue eyes were staring right at Cisco, as if he was looking at the answer to life.

"That was at the West-Allen wedding," Harry said from beside them, smiling down at the picture. "Caitlin demanded a good picture as we didn't have many at the time. Victoria was two."

Cisco frowned, staring at the picture clutched in his hands. Something like sadness churned in his stomach and he swallowed thick around the lump growing in his throat. "I don't remember," he whispered, choking on the words a bit.

"Come here, darling," Harry said, pulling Victoria out of his grip and setting her on the floor. "Why don't you go grab one of the photo albums for me? We'll show daddy some pictures and help him remember okay?" She nodded and rushed off up the stairs, Harry turning to take the frame out of Cisco's hands. "It's okay if you don't remember. Snow said it might take a while. They aren't going to all come back at once. We don't even know what happened to cause it."

"Yeah but..." Cisco shrugged and glanced at the photo in Harry's hand. "My best friend got married and I can't remember it... I was supposed to be his best man. I was supposed to plan a bachelor party. I was planning a bar hop between Earths."

Harry took Cisco's arm gently, careful not to touch his skin and moved him to sit on the couch. Cisco couldn't help but wonder why exactly Harry was being so careful not to touch him. Did he not want to? "You did all those things," Harry told him as he sat on the table across from him, folding his hands in his lap. "After he got back from the speedforce, a year after he went in, by the way, he and Iris spent a year planning the wedding. You went all out for the bachelor party, starting on Earth-1, then my earth, then Supergirl's. You got so wasted that I could barely get you all home because I wasn't drinking of course." Cisco rolled his eyes and mumbled an 'of course', before Harry continued. "You stood at Barry's side the next day with a massive hang over, and you cried like a blubbering baby when Iris walked down the isle. Honestly, I think you cried more than Barry did, though no one cried as much as Joe."

"Of course not," Cisco chuckled. "I just... I don't remember any of it."

"That's okay," Harry answered, hand reaching out like he wanted to grab Cisco's, but he stopped himself. "I can answer any questions you'll have," Harry told him. "Even if you don't remember, I can fill in the blanks and you can make new memories."

"Any question I have?"

Harry rolled his eyes, but a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips. "Fourty-Two."

The engineer gapped at him dramatically. "You know the answer of life?"

"For our first date, you demanded that I watch all your stupid science fiction movies. We got through Hitchhikers, Galaxy Quest, and half of the first season of Firefly." He glanced up as Victoria bounded down the stairs, narrowing his eyes at her. "Victoria, you know the rules. No running down stairs. I will not catch you if you fall." She blushed and held up a rather large book in her tiny hands. "Thank you darling."

She wouldn't hand it over though, instead pulling herself onto the couch and plopping down next to Cisco, handing him the book. "There's 'nother, but I can't reach it."

For the next hour or so before Victoria's bedtime, the three of them sat there flipping through various photos. Cisco didn't remember any from after D-Day (what he decided to call the last day he remembered anything from five years ago), but Victoria loved to explain the ones she knew about, and anything else he had questions about, Harry filled him in as promised. There was still a sickening feeling in his gut, a despair at the sad looks he saw on Harry's face when Cisco showed no sign of remembering. He was still sitting there, flipping through the book when Harry came back down from tucking Victoria in. He dropped down beside Cisco on the couch this time, handing him a coke while he nursed a glass of wine. 

Cisco raised his eyebrow at him and the scientist shrugged. "You don't like beer or my wine, you only ever buy this terrible brown soda."

"What, you don't have coke on your earth?" 

Harry shrugged. "We do, but it tastes much better and isn't this ugly colour." There was a long silence as they both sipped at their drinks. Normally, Cisco hated silence if he wasn't working, but right now he kind of liked it. He wasn't sure what to say, so being silent just seemed to work better. After Harry finished his drink, he stood slowly, stretching his joints as he thought. "I'll show you where the bedroom is and your clothes. I can sleep on the couch."

"What?" Cisco's head shot up and he frowned, shaking his head as he stood. "Now way, I'm not kicking you out of your bed, Harry. I can sleep on the couch, or like... what we don't have a guest room? This house is massive!"

Chuckling, Harry started heading up the stairs. "We had three extra bedrooms in this house, one turned into Victoria's room, the other two we turned into one big office and workshop." He opened the door to a large master bedroom, again artfully decorated with a mix of minimalist decor and nerdy decor. It looked nothing like Cisco's apartment, that was for sure- it was way too clean. "And I don't mind taking the couch," Harry continued. "You're still hurt and Doctor Snow will most likely kill me if she finds out I let you sleep anywhere but a real bed. It was hard enough to convince her you could come home."

_Home._

Cisco liked hearing that word out of Harry's mouth, even if it did sound a bit clipped. He kept telling himself not to worry about how Harry was acting, this had to be just as hard for him as it was for Cisco... but still... He couldn't help but feel strange, walking around in another man's life, talking to another man's husband and raising another man's daughter. True, that other man was himself, but it's like he was picked up and dropped off in another timeline where everyone else was acting perfectly normal and Cisco was the odd man out trying to pick up where someone else left off. It was almost like he had been watching someone else on tv, and all of a sudden he was thrown into the show without a script.

"Cisco?"

The engineer blinked, shaking his head a bit to clear it and looking up at Harry. The older man was holding a small pile of clothes, head tilted to the side and eyebrows pulled down in concern. Cisco waved him away and took the clothes, laughing a bit to show he was fine. "I'm alright, just thinking is all. We're married right?" Harry gave him a look as if to say 'obviously' and Cisco rolled his eyes. "I only mean, if-if we're married then... well we can share the bed without making it awkward, right?" His cheeks were burning and he was sure his entire face was a dark red as he clung to the clothes in his hands for dear life. "I mean, you share a bed with me every night, right?"

Harry watched as he fumbled for his words, a mix of amusement and consideration on his face. "Yes, I would have no problem with it," he said slowly, putting his hands in his pockets, "but your memories cut off before we ever got together. I don't want you to feel like you have to-"

"I want to," Cisco blurted. He blushed again and ran a hand through his hair as he stuttered. "I-I mean... yeah, no, I totally want to. And it could help right? Don't they say that doing stuff you would normally do helps the memories come back? I mean we don't have to _do_  anything, totally not what I'm saying, I just... sleep... man, usually I'm a lot smoother than this, I swear."

That drew a laugh from Harry, and honest to goodness laugh that had Cisco's heart stuttering to a stop in his chest. He was sure his mouth was hanging open and his eyes were bugging out of his head as he watched the smile curl on the man's lips, watched the way his shoulders lifted and his eyes slid closed when he laughed. _Damn, he's beautiful._  "You most certainly are not, I assure- Cisco?" That joyous look melted to one of concern and Cisco wanted nothing more than to get it back. "Hey, what is it?"

"I-I..." The engineer snapped his mouth shut and swallowed around his dry mouth, blinking himself out of his stupor. "I don't think I've ever seen you laugh before," he said, still a bit in awe. "It- you're beautiful."

And damn, seeing that man blush for the first time was just as beautiful as seeing him laugh. It stirred something in him that had him lurching forward, his lips seeking out Harry's like a magnet. It felt wonderfully familiar, the feeling of Harry's thin lips on his, the way Harry had to lean down a bit to deepen the kiss as he was much taller than Cisco. He somehow knew before it even happened that Harry's hands would find his hips, fingers dipping under his t-shirt to dance across his skin, but only just. Cisco's hands were still holding onto the clothes between them, but he put everything he could into that kiss, desperate for some sort of spark, something that might ignite the memories that were locked away.

When his tongue peeked out to press against Harry's lips however, the man pulled away. He leaned his forehead against Cisco's and kept his eyes closed for a minute as they both tried to catch their breath.

"S-sorry," Cisco whispered, his stomach churning with mixed feelings and his face once again warm with a blush.

Harry just shook his head though, finally opening those wonderful blue eyes as he took a step back. "No need to be sorry," he said with a small, but tight, smile. He waved to one of the doors off the side of the bedroom, "bathroom is through there if you want to shower first."

By the time the engineer was out of the shower and dressed, the bedroom was dark and Harry had already taken up one side of the bed. Thinking him asleep, Cisco took the other side and sighed, rubbing at his eyes to get rid of the tears that were threatening to fall. "I'm sorry..."


	5. Is This Real?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cisco has some disturbing dreams. Victoria and Sir Flashington come to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support you guys! I love all the comments I've been getting and I'm so glad you guys are loving this story as much as I am! We're actually starting to get into the plot-plot now, so hopefully it goes smoothly. :) enjoy!

Cisco had been staying at home for almost a week now before it happened. Everything had been going great, they'd fallen into a sort of routine, something so vaguely familiar to Cisco that he _almost_  remembered. Apparently Victoria went to school on Earth-2 because the school system was better quality over there, and Jesse would come to pick her up every day and drop her off, as she still worked on Earth-2 as well. Harry would wake up long before Cisco and have a fresh pot of coffee brewed, he'd try and limit Cisco to one cup and ultimately fail- though there was a small smile on his face when he did. Work was exactly the same as Cisco remembered it. He and Harry would work on projects, they'd bicker and throw markers at each other. Cisco would do anything he could to annoy the older scientist, but he did notice that there was more fondness to Harry's reactions now than actual annoyance. _Interesting._

For the week, nothing out of the ordinary happened. No strange vibes, no more dangerous dreams. And no memories.

Until one night where Cisco woke up surrounded by blue. Harry was no where to be seen, his house no where to be seen, only the blue vibrations that pulsed against his skin likes waves crashing against a cliff-side. He had the overwhelming need to scream, to run from the vibrations that surged under his skin.

He'd always hated it when he vibed without his goggles, hated the feeling, the way he couldn't control them.

"Cisco-"

The engineer turned at the voice, the blue falling away until all he could see was the beautiful brunette before him. He swallowed and frowned, looking around to find himself in a warehouse. "Lisa?"

She smiled, holding out a hand for him to take- which he did because, hello gorgeous- and giggled. "What are you doing here, sweetie? You know Lenny doesn't like you coming here when he's not home." She slid forward until their lips were a breath away, "but I won't tell if you won't."

Something about it felt wrong though. Her lips were soft and plump against his, but there was a gentle tingling over his skin wherever she touched him, almost like an electrical current between them at the point of contact. It wasn't like the cliche 'spark' you feel when you kiss someone you love. No, this was different and it set low in his stomach like a weight. Her hands found his face and again there was a familiar tingle, kind of like...

"Like a vibe," he whispered as he pulled away from her. "I-I'm vibing, this isn't real-"

"Cisco? Baby, what's wrong?" Lisa asked, confusion pooling in her beautiful eyes.

But Cisco couldn't focus, couldn't breathe correctly. He had to get out, had to force himself out of the vibe despite still not being able to control them without his tools. "I-I have to get home. I have to-" Blue flickered around him again, cutting off his words and sending him stumbling through the vibe-force (as he likes to call it) and into Star Labs. His hip slammed into a desk, sending the pens and coffee mug on top of it flying to the floor. Harry turned from his work board to glare at Cisco and the mess of coffee all over the floor. "I... sorry," the engineer mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face as he groaned. "I just had the weirdest... thing."

"Ah yes, a _thing_ , how ever descriptive of you," Harry drawled, no doubt rolling his eyes and turning back to his work.

When Cisco looked up, his eyes found his _husband_  almost instantly. He'd been right, the man wasn't paying any mind to him, instead working on whatever complex equation he'd been working on before Cisco crashed into the room. And for a moment, he completely forgot about the vibe with Lisa or the strange feeling it caused. He was overcome with a feeling of... adoration? Love? Watching Harry work had always been one of Cisco's favorite things to do. He was so concentrated, so intense with blue eyes that he swore could intimidate the numbers into doing whatever the man wanted. Not to mention when he was facing away from him, Cisco had the chance to look as long as he wanted.

Harry was a good looking man, especially for his age. He had a long, thin body with muscles in all the right places and an ass that almost got him drooling. And his hands... gods his hands...

"Ramon, would you please stop staring and tell me what this _thing_  was."

Cisco froze, his entire body seizing up and his heart stuttering to a stop. "W-what?"

Something in his voice must have worried Harry, because the man turned around quickly, his eyebrows raising though upon seeing him just standing there, his worried look melted into a bored one. "I said, tell me about this _thing_  you deemed so important as to interrupt me from my work."

"B-but you called me Ramon," he said, dumbfounded. In the whole week or so that Cisco had been awake- sans memories- he had noticed that Harry barely called him Ramon, only the few times at first because he knew Cisco didn't remember. It was one of the reminders that sure enough, things had changed since he remembered. Harry _always_  called him Cisco. He hadn't been sure why at first, still wasn't really, but he knew that Harry no longer called him Ramon. 

"Yes, it is your name," the man sighed, looking at him strangely. "Did you lose IQ points since we last spoke? What is wrong with you?"

Cisco's throat closed up instantly, his chest tightening and his hands shaking at his sides. He searched for that feeling he suspected was there, the constant pulsing under his skin like insects in his veins, and sure enough he found it. "No..." he breathed, legs shaking and almost giving out on him. He put a hand on the desk to steady himself, but it only send another wave of vibrations through him and he cursed. "No! No! This isn't real!" He screamed, shoving his hands across the desk and knocking everything to the ground, his arms tingling with the sensations. "This isn't real!"

Strong arms wrapped around him from behind, solid and sure, holding him to a chest he couldn't remember ever feeling. " _Cisco_ ," the voice said, slicing through the blue that had been trying to inch it's way back into his vision. The engineer closed his eyes, fingers reaching up to cover his ears, to block out the voices that were threatening to drive him insane. " _Cisco, wake up, open your eyes."_

"No, stop it," he yelled back, pressing his hands harder against the sides of his head and struggling to get away from the arms that entrapped him. "Stop it! Let me go! I have to- I have to get back, I have to get out!"

" _Cisco, you're vibing, you have to wake up."_

Of course he was vibing. Did Fake-Harry think he didn't know that? He could feel the vibrations around him, see the blue even behind his closed eyelids. Panic was rising in his throat and his entire body was shaking at this point. His breath was coming in short puffs and no matter how hard he tried to force himself to breathe he couldn't. God, a panic attack while vibing, Go Cisco.

The chest behind him tensed but he wasn't sure why until a small voice said, "daddy?"

Cisco's eyes flew open, finding those little blue eyes and brown curls peeking around the door of their bedroom. Their bedroom.

He could see their bedroom now, feel Harry's arms- his real arms- wrapped around him from behind, the man's legs on either side of him so he could hug him from behind better. He was solid and still except for his steady breathing. But he was _still_ , no little tingles across Cisco's skin, no blue flashes coming from the lights.

"Go back to bed, Victoria," Harry said quietly.

The words sent another shock of panic through the engineer though and he found himself gasping out a, "no", his arms reaching out to the girl. "No, please, come here." Harry was tense behind him, but didn't say anything as the little girl climbed into the bed and into Cisco's arms. He pulled her tight against his chest, holding her so her little arms wrapped around his neck and her head rested on his shoulder. Like Harry, she was perfectly still, perfectly solid, and he found it easier to breathe with her there, assuring him that this was real. "I'm sorry I woke you," he told them, his body relaxing slightly into Harry's. He could feel the older man relax a bit too, dropping his head so his forehead rested on Cisco's opposite shoulder. His arms loosened a bit around Cisco's waist, but didn't leave him.

"Did you have a bad dream, daddy?" Victoria asked.

"Something like that," Cisco answered, arms tightening around her for just a second. "I didn't mean to scare you, _papillon."_

He could feel Harry smiling against his back and Victoria patted his head a bit as she pulled away to look at him. "That's okay daddy! You're there when I'm scared. Papa and I can scare away the monsters!" She said, her face lighting up a bit as she pulled out of his arms. "Hold on!" Cisco reached out for her as she wiggled her way off the bed, not quite ready to let go yet, but Harry's warm presence behind him reassured him enough that everything was okay, that he let her run off.

Cisco took that time that she was gone to remember to breathe, matching his intakes with Harry's and holding them for a few seconds.

"You called her Papillon," Harry said quietly, his voice small and tired, not something Cisco was used to hearing and he couldn't help but wonder what time it was. "Where did you hear that?"

The question wasn't what he expected, but Cisco frowned and blinked a bit. "I... I don't know, it just sort of came out. I'm not even sure what it means. What is that, french? Sounds french. I don't speak french."

Harry snorted and shook his head. "No you don't. It's french for butterfly. At the hospital when she was born, the nurse gave us a little blanket with butterflies on it. Caitlin taught you how to say it in every language she knew before you settled on french. You called her papillon a lot," he told him. There was a long silence as they both waited and Cisco knew that Harry wanted to know what happened, but the answer was probably too long and complicated for how late it was.

And Victoria came bounding back into the room a few moments later, the said pink blanket in her hand and a little brown teddy bear with the Flash symbol sewn into it's chest. She crawled onto the bed and back into Cisco's arms without having to be asked and held up her bear for him to see.

"Uncle Bar gave this to me! He said it scares away the bad guys be-because of the Flash!" She pointed to the lightning bolt on his chest and smiled so bright that Cisco's heart melted a little. "He can protects you."

Tears prickled at the corners of Cisco's eyes and he sniffed a bit as he pulled the girl into his arms. "Thank you, papillon, but I don't want to take him away from his duties protecting you. That's important business you know," he croaked out.

"Indeed," Harry agreed, shifting out from behind Cisco and back onto his side of the bed. Cisco found himself missing the warmth on his back, but Harry kept talking before he could say anything he might regret. "Guess he'll have his hands full tonight protecting both of you. Victoria, why don't you stay in here tonight? That way your bear can protect you both? Hmm?"

Cisco looked back at Harry with wide eyes and Victoria mimicked him, though her lips spread into a wide smile. "Really, papa? yes!"

Cisco got the idea that she wasn't often allowed to sleep in their bed, though it was clearly big enough to do so. 

And that's how he found himself in the center of the bed, Harry spooning his back and Victoria curled up in front of him, holding the Flash bear (Sir Flashington she'd introduced) between their chests. He had no trouble falling back asleep then, or knowing that this was real when he woke up. 

This was real.

This was real.


	6. It's a Religion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cisco and Harry have an actual conversation about their feelings, dates are promised, and Gilmore Girls is referenced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for new chapters! I'm binge watching Gilmore Girls... again... so be prepared for Cisco to reference it a lot in the future. This chapter isn't super long, but it's mushy, so I figured that made up for it.

"Want to tell me what happened," Harry asked once Jesse disappeared with Victoria in tow. He and Cisco were in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee each, Cisco sitting at the island and Harry was standing on the other side, leaning against the counter. 

Cisco shrugged, but he knew he wouldn't get away with staying silent. "I'm not really sure," he grumbled into his coffee. "It was kind of like what happened in the medical room last week, but I- I don't know. I was vibing, I knew that, but it felt so real." He swallowed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to stop it from shaking. "Each vibe I thought was real, I thought I'd gotten out of it, only to find out that it was still a vibe..."

The older man hummed and sat his coffee down to cross his arms. "And how did you know when you'd finally woken up?"

"Um... you and Victoria," he said with a light blush. "You were... still."

Harry raised an eyebrow, curious but not condescending. "Still?"

He nodded. "Yeah. When I'm in a vibe, nothing is really... real, it's not actually there. If I touch something, I can feel that it vibrates at a different frequency. It's like feeling an electric current, or heat coming off a hot car. I know it's there, my brain can feel it, but it's constantly vibrating, constantly moving. But things from our reality, our Earth, they're still, solid." He blushed deeper and knocked on the table, closing his eyes to make sure it was solid against his knuckles, to make sure that the pain in his bones was real. "You and Victoria were still."

"That's why you wanted her to stay," Harry said. It wasn't a question, but Cisco nodded anyway. "And now?" He asked, taking a step forward to grab Cisco's hand. He let the engineer hold on tight, their fingers lacing together as Cisco took deep breaths.

"Still," he said surely, smiling softly at the man. 

"Hmm," he hummed, not letting go of Cisco's hand and the engineer made no move to pull away either. He liked knowing that they were solid and real. "You've never had an issue before with determining reality from vibes, so this shouldn't have to do with your memory problems. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that you were using your abilities when you got hit by the meta, when you fell unconscious."

"I wasn't just using my abilities," Cisco told him, shaking his head. "I was _in_  the vibe. I opened a breech between Barry and the meta, I remember that. I opened a breech and stepped into it to take the hit instead. Guess I figured that maybe since I worked with similar abilities, it'd be better for me to take the hit than Barry, or maybe I thought I'd be able to reflect it... I don't know, I don't remember. But I do remember being inside the breech when I got hit."

Harry nodded but didn't say anything, pulling away slowly to put their empty cups in the sink behind him. Cisco missed his touch as soon as it was gone and before he could stop himself, he mumbled out a quiet, "sorry," for the hundredth time that week.

"Sorry? For what, possibly saving Barry's life?" Harry asked.

"No... I mean, yeah. I just... I can't help but feel like you're mad at me because- because I took him from you."

The man tensed and turned, his wide eyes falling onto Cisco who found nerves surging through him at the intensity of Harry's stare. "Took him away from me? Took who?"

"Me!" The engineer stood, flailing his arms about as he rose his voice. His nerves were surging under his skin and his chest was tight as he spoke. "I... you're acting all weird and I... I can't help but feel like it's my fault! It's my fault that Victoria doesn't have her dad right now! It's my fault that you don't have a husband right now. It's my fault because I did something stupid without thinking it through first!"

"Cisco, stop," Harry said, stepping around the island to put his hands on the shorter man's shoulders. "You didn't take anything from us. We still have you, I still have a husband and Victoria still has her father. Just because you lost your memories, that doesn't mean you're not you."

He was already shaking his head though and he reached up, his fingers wrapping around Harry's wrists and holding on for dear life. He didn't move his hands off, just held on, making sure that Harry was still there like he had done the night before. "But... But you're- I'm not the guy you fell in love with! I'm not him, I don't remember him at all. I don't remember who he was. Y-you barely touch me, you're so... so damn civil and I know this is probably just as hard for you as it is for me... I _know_  that, but it's like you're mad at me." He remembered back to the other day when they'd kissed and Harry pulled away. "And you... you got mad when I kissed you."

"Cisco," Harry breathed, closing his eyes in that exasperated look he'd seen a million times before. "I'm not mad at you. And you _are_  the man I fell in love with, you always have been. Just because you don't remember us being together doesn't mean I don't. Besides, I loved you long before we ever got together," he told him. He raised his hands from Cisco's shoulders to hold his face, making the engineer look up at him. "And I didn't know if you wanted me touching you, or kissing you for that matter. As far as your memories are concerned, I'm just a friend. I didn't want you to feel..." he paused, tilting his head as he considered his next words carefully. "I didn't want you to feel obligated to feel a certain way. I didn't want to take advantage of the fact that I remembered and you didn't. I didn't want to push my feelings on you if you didn't feel the same way."

Cisco blinked up at him, his mouth hanging open a bit at the miniature speech he'd been given. "Feel the same way? Harry I've loved you pretty much since you showed up, or liked you at least. I apparently married you for gods sake, what makes you think you'd be an obligation?"

"The situation's changed," Harry said matter-of-factly and with a small shrug. "I didn't want you to think that I expected anything. I am perfectly fine with waiting."

"For what," Cisco asked, looking down at his hands as he fiddled with his fingers. "For me to get my memories back? What if that doesn't happen? What if I never remember? It happens all the time, amnesia victims sometimes never get those memories back."

Harry shrugged again, pressing his thumbs to the bottom of Cisco's chin a bit, making him look up at him again. "Then I'll woo you again if you'll let me," he said, leaning forward until their noses brushed but he didn't close the gap. "I told you, Cisco, you're the same man I fell in love with. If I need to convince you of my worth, date you again, marry you again, then I will. You're worth it, Cisco, I swear that to you."

Cisco was grinning like a goon by the time Harry had finished, his cheeks a dark red. "Wow, that was sappy," he joked, giggling at the roll of the eyes he got. "You'd really date me again? Like proper date? You'll take to dinner, bring me flowers to match my eyes, then on the third date, you'll invite me in for coffee, which will totally be code for down and dirty, thus cementing the next step in our relationship? A few dates later, I'll bring you home to meet my parents, you introduce me to yours, or in your case it'd be Jesse, then at an appropriate amount of time later, you'll beg my father for his permission to marry me, and romantically get down on one knee, spouting poetry and singing my praise? I would of course say yes, squealing like a little girl, and we'd have a huge white wedding filled to the brim with our friends and family in a beautiful catholic church?"

Harry watched Cisco with a gentle smile as he spoke, listening to his entire shpeel before chuckling. "If that's what you want," he answered honestly, "though it's a bit off track of what we did the first time."

"Oh?" He asked curiously, raising an eyebrow. "And what did we do the first time?"

"Hmm, well it started like this," Harry muttered before finally closing the gap between them pressing their lips together. It was just as good as the first time Cisco kissed him a few days ago, familiar and warm. As sappy as it sounds, kissing Harry felt like home, like the promise of more as well as the promise of so much past. The tingle he felt pooling in his stomach was so different from the one he'd felt in his vibes, so much better. This time, when he touched his tongue to Harry's lips, he was granted access. Harry's hands held onto Cisco's face, holding him close, and Cisco found his own hands holding tight to Harry's black hoodie. They stayed like that for so long that once they pulled away they were both breathing heavy and Cisco's knees were a bit weak under him. 

He blew out a breath and chuckled a bit, that dopey smile on his face again. "Wow... was it that good the first time?"

"Mmm, not quite," Harry laughed. "First time was more of an accident in a way. Glad I can still satisfy."

"Oh I'm definitely swooning," Cisco smiled, leaning his back against the counter to hold himself up a bit. "I will gladly lose my memories as many times as it takes to get relive that kiss again." Harry glared playfully and the engineer held his hands up in defense, "kidding, definitely kidding. But yes, kissing, I am totally okay with that, for future reference, you know. I am totally okay with that. No advantage is being taken, no obligation is being made, just you know. Feel free to do that whenever you want, you have my complete permission."

Harry laughed again, that honest laugh that he loved so much and rarely got to hear. "Duly noted." As if to prove it, the older man leaned forward again and pressed a much softer kiss to Cisco's lips, but no less loving. "Dating again will be much different this time as we have Victoria to work around, and your parents have already met me, but we can figure something out."

"How about we start with Coffee at Jitters on our way to work?"

"You just finished a full cup," Harry scolded, though it was lighthearted.

Cisco gave him a 'you're kidding right?' look and rolled his eyes. "If we really have been married for 5 years, and if this past week has told me anything, then you know trying to get me to survive on one cup of coffee is like Luke trying to limit Lorelai to one cup. It's just impossible, might as well give up trying."

"Ah yes, another vague reference to something I've never seen in order to argue a point that I've already given up on trying to win," Harry snarked right back, a smile tugging on his lips. "Well it's nearly the morning rush at Jitters, so if we want to get to work at a decent time today, we better get going.'

"Hold on," Cisco interrupted, following Harry as the older man started heading towards the door where their jackets and bags were waiting. "You can't just casually drop the fact that you've never seen Gilmore Girls and then walk away! It's a lifestyle! It's a religion! Harrison Wells, don't you dare walk away from me when I'm fangirling at you! I can keep this up all day, I can quote you the entire show if you want! Don't doubt me."

"Never, Cisco, never."


	7. "The Only Thing Killer Frost Took"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cisco has another bad vibe, but there's good news on the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been a while since I updated this story! Thank you for being patient with me! We're working more on the memories and stuff and getting more into the plot now! So yay!

Two days later found Cisco in his workshop at Star Labs staring at a board covered in complex equations. His joints were stiff from standing still for too long and his eyes were burning from lack of blinked, and there was a headache brimming at his temples in frustration, but he refused to give up. He tapped the marker against his lips, glaring at the large question mark at the center of the board and trying to will it into providing him the answer.

The math was simple, no doubt. He understood it all, but the way it came together, how it was arranged around itself and the trail it led to the said punctuation mark was what confused him. He'd no idea what it could mean or what he was trying to figure out.

So far he hadn't had anymore nightmare vibes, but it'd only been two days and if he was being honest, he hadn't exactly slept much in those two days in hopes of avoiding exactly that. From what he could tell, he didn't have his... episodes, while awake, at least not yet, so it was safe to say if he could stay awake, he'd be fine. A complex equation on a board was enough to get Harry to stop pestering him to come to bed because he knew- he didn't need to have memories to know, he just did- that he'd left the older man awake for days when he worked on his projects, so it'd be hypocritical for Harry to drag Harry away... even if it was an impossible problem.

He briefly wondered if Harry knew that the problem itself was an impossible one and was just letting Cisco work out his tension, or if he honestly thought Cisco was working on something, possibly about to have a break through.

The P vs NP problem was a universally unsolved problem throughout the computer science world and Cisco often went back to it when he was having to think about difficult situations- his current loss of memory and why it was happening for example. Barry used to joke that Cisco only did it because Charlie Epps from Numb3rs put the idea in his head, and while that was true, it did actually help him process through things better. He'd used the problem like crazy when Dante died to keep himself from having panic attacks. It was like a clean slate, something familiar for him to fall back on when his brain was about to blow a fuse. (Like when Barry watched Singing in the Rain to make himself feel better.)

Problem was, his brain wasn't even working enough right now to even contemplate the equations because it was being fueled by coffee instead of sleep and Cisco was dead on his feet.

Cisco groaned and raised his hand to rub at his eyes, willing them to stop burning so he could try and focus, but exhaustion was settling over him like a fog. The warm touch of leather brushed against his temples as he massaged them and Cisco frowned... _leather?_

Opening his eyes, he glanced down to see a pair of black gloves on his hands, not just his hands though, they traveled all the way up his arms and stopped just below his elbows. He flexed his fingers, but there was no tug of leather against his skin, no crinkle of skin, just a familiar tingle that had his heart racing.

"No, no, no, no, no..." he muttered to himself, ripping the gloves off as fast as he could, the vibrations trailing from his fingers to his toes and his breathing picked up to a panicked gasping as he stared down at metal appendages, gears and joints bared for all to see and no beautiful tanned skin in sight.

_I'm vibing... I'm vibing, I have to be, I have to-_

Cisco stumbled away from the impossible equation and towards the speed lab where he knew Harry was testing Wally's speed. His feet were heavy under him and his hands- his _metal hands-_  were shaking in front of him. He forced himself to focus, trying to ignore the pulsing blue that was starting to surround his vision and ignore the glinting silver of his hands, like it was winking at him, mocking him. Memories pulsed in his head as he stumbled through the open door, grunting as his shoulder hit the frame and thankfully drawing the attention of the other two in the room.

"Cisco?" Harry questioned, annoyance at being interrupted immediately dropping into concern at the panic written all over his husband's face. "Cisco what's wrong?"

_What's wrong?_  He thought, staring down at his hands, a vague pain and chill falling over him, like memories of memories. _Can't you see what's wrong? I don't have my hands!_  "V-Vibe," he managed to gasp out, holding his hands out to Harry. "C-Can't vibe without my hands."

No, that wasn't what he wanted to say. 

Cisco shook his head and stumbled at the movement, gasping when strong- _still-_ hands gripped at his shoulders. 

"Cisco, what do you mean? What's wrong with your hands?" Harry's blue eyes were so intense, almost an ice-like colour as he stared at him and the younger man grunted as another wave of pain and vibrations slammed into him. "Cisco! Talk to me. West, go get Caitlyn. Go get her now!"

"That's not the only thing Killer Frost took," Cisco tried again, the words forming on his tongue but they weren't the ones he was trying to say. He wanted to tell Harry that his hands were gone... that he was vibing... were his hands really gone? Could a vibe take away his hands? Why wasn't his husband more concerned? _Damnit, why can't I just say it?_

Cisco groaned and ran his fingers through his hair, tugging in frustration and squeezing his eyes shut. He has to focus, has to breathe. He knew he was vibing, so unlike his dreams he had an advantage now... but Harry was touching him and though he could feel that the other man was still, wasn't vibrating, it wasn't helping the panic in his chest. He couldn't remember freaking out this much since... well since Harry was laying in the med bay and Cisco couldn't get to him, couldn't help him, couldn't-

"You were hurt," the engineer breathed, drawing confused looks from Harry and- _when did Caitlin and Wally get here?_  Cisco ignored the others and tugged at Harry's jacket, trying his best to ignore the glinting of metal whenever the light hit his hands- _not his hands-_ at the right angle _. "_ Off, get it off," he growled as he practically tore Harry's hoodie off and started working on his Henley. He had to know, had to remember. Maybe it'd kick him out of whatever vibe he was having. He could vaguely hear the older man complaining as he tried to fight against Cisco's grip, but he couldn't exactly register what he was saying. He had to know if the whisper of a memory was his or if it was handless Cisco's. He had to know what was real because the longer the blue pulses pushed at his eyes, the less he could focus on the different vibrations, on which reality was real.

The scar was a big one, slicing down from Harry's left shoulder down to his right hip. It was healed but still slightly puckered from how deep it'd been. There were a few others on the man's skin- like the bullet wound from Patty- but he could only focus on the large gash across his chest. His fingers brushed it and like a shock of lightning, the vibrations faded from view. Metal was replaced with skin and the air was no longer like breathing in sludge. 

"Cisco?"

He didn't answer for a second, just taking a moment to trace the scar with his fingers and he found himself resting his forehead against Harry's shoulder, breathing in the scent of oil and ozone. So familiar that Cisco was reminded of... home.

"Cisco, are you alright?" Caitlin pressed, her hands hovering a bit like she wanted to touch him, wanted to check on him, but knew better than to do so right after an attack like that. He was grateful for it, and grateful for the strong arms that wrapped around him and held him close as he matched his breathing with Harry's. "Was it a vibe?"

"Y-yeah," he answered, taking a deep breath before pushing away from his husband and out of his arms- though a bit reluctantly. He ran a shaky hand through his hair and swallowed the blush that threatened to cover his cheeks as he remembered that Harry was still half naked now thanks to him. "Sorry, I just... uh... well this is awkward," he mumbled, holding out the older scientist's Henley for him to put back on. Way to go Cisco, first time you see those _downright yummy muscles_  is when you practically molest him during a panic attack. "Vibing something from a different timeline I think and I remembered your scar," Cisco said as he waved a hand in Harry's direction. "I figured you probably didn't have it in both timelines, I... I had to know if the memory was real or not."

"What were you vibing?" Caitlin asked, taking his elbow to lead him towards the med bay, Harry following close behind.

He flinched at her touch, making the girl pull away, but he shook his head. He knew not to be afraid of Caitlin, not after so long, not after everything they'd been through, but the cold reminder of Killer Frost was still in his head. "I uh... I didn't have my hands, you- well Killer Frost froze them off. There were just... these metal prosthetics."

She sat him on the bed and started running some tests, leaving Cisco to bite his lip and look up at Harry. "Sorry for- you know, stripping you in front of our friends." 

Harry rolled his eyes and leaned against the door frame. "Not your fault, Cisco. Besides, I got that scar after your memories cut off, so you remembering is good news." _Oh yeah,_  Cisco thought. He didn't even notice that it was a new memory which had him looking over at Caitlin with hopeful eyes. She smiled and nodded, but Harry continued before she could say anything. "Do you remember what happened?"

"Not really, I just... I had this flash of you in the med bay all wrapped up like a mummy." He absentmindedly rubbed at his chest, as if he could feel the scar there even though it wasn't his. "Like, I remember that I wasn't there for what happened. Like I knew you were hurt and I couldn't do anything to help or stop it, but I don't remember how you got hurt."

Caitlin hummed as she took notes on her tablet. "Well that's good news at least. It proves that you're getting your memories back, even if it is slowly. And they're bound to come back in bits and pieces, that's usually how it works, so don't worry if you don't get the whole scene, it's not like it is in movies," she said with a gentle smile. "The bad news is, I'm not sure why you're having trouble with your vibes and why they're hitting you so hard like this. You've never had trouble with discerning realities from one another. If you're up for it Cisco, next time you have one I'd like to run some tests while you're _in_ the vibe. I know it's not ideal and it could be dangerous, but it might really help me figure out why this is happening and how to stop it."

He surely didn't like the idea of staying in a vibe any longer than needed, but he couldn't help but agree that it was a good idea. His lack of memories was emotionally exhausting and painful, but it was by no means his biggest problem right now.

So he nodded and sighed. "Alright, yeah, let's do that. Next time it happens, or next time it happens here, we'll try and do some tests... I don't want this happening again when Victoria is around," he said, locking eyes with Harry who still had this look of worry in his beautiful blue eyes. To lighten the air a bit, he gave the man a goofy grin and waggled his eyebrows at him. "You never told me you had such a nice body, Harry, seems a rude thing to keep from a husband. I demand penance for your crime."

"Oh do you now?" Harry drawled with a roll of his eyes, though a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "And what might that be?"

"I demand lunch! Something disgusting and greasy and unhealthy."

"Big Belly Burger it is."


End file.
